Dear Vatican, I would like to be Pope, love Laurie Penny
Original story at newstatesman.com• 1 mentions • 10 months ago
newstatesman.com 10 months ago
Laurie Penny has GCSE Latin and a collection of ridiculous hats, plus years of experience dealing with in-fighting and intrigue (on the British Left). There is literally no reason she couldn't be Pope. Except for the Catholic thing. And the woman thing. Pope Laurie I. Well, that's one way to get white smoke to come out of the chimney. I’ve become aware of a vacancy in your organisation, and in these straitened times I thought I’d get ahead of the game in my application for the role of Pontifex.I understand that the job of God’s Representative on Earth is likely to be a challenging and demanding one. It requires careful wardrobe management, judicious hand-waving, showmanship and the ability to spend a lot of time smiling politely around some very strange people without getting cramp in your facial muscles. As a queer woman of Jewish descent I might not be the obvious choice to spread the Lord’s message to millions of Catholics worldwide, but just give me a chance and I’m sure I can transubstantiate with the best of them.The fact that I don’t believe in God might be considered an impediment. However, lack of personal faith in the existence of a supreme being has never stopped world leaders from, for example, waging Holy War in His name. Indeed, some might consider the basic principles of compassion and charity for all men and women an obstacle to the vital duties of discouraging condom use, opposing women’s right to choose and providing cod-spiritual justification for the persecution of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people. Not being a Christian, all I have to stop me spreading dogmatic misogyny and homophobia in the name of morality is my own personal sense of what’s right and wrong, and we all know how that goes, don’t we?